Detoxing Your Social Life
When I was 26, my husband and I packed up everything we owned and left the city we had built our life in for the last 8 years. We had a then 18 month old daughter and I was pregnant with our son. Not just a little pregnant either, super pregnant. We closed on our house and moved in the same day. It was the most bittersweet time of my life. I was excited and filled with adrenaline to begin our new journey in Nashville but I was also completely heartbroken to be leaving my mom and dad, my siblings, mychurch, my work, my friends; my whole life essentially. Vance, our bouncing baby boy, was born 2 weeks later. I ached to go home and visit someone, anyone, I knew but not very possible with a newborn and 19 month old after just moving. It was in this desperate time that two friends we knew but hadn't spent much time with in the last 5 years showed up in the most real way. They loved us and our kids everyday. They knew how hard this time was for us and went out of their way to invite us over, babysit, cook for us and anything else you could think of really. I am forever grateful to them for the giant 6 month long hug they gave us while we settled in. All this made me realize though some of the less than uplifting relationships I had been carrying around.
We hear a lot about detoxing your body and your internal systems but there’s not as much talk about refining our relationships. The decade of your 20’s is a time when your friends seem to dwindle in quantity and you grasp on to the quality of the few you remain close with. I’m well on my way to turning thirty and having great relationships is a top priority. However, letting go of not so great ones is the more difficult side of that.
It’s hard to know when you need to let a relationship go. My top three signs it’s time to say farewell:
1. They don't show up for you.
- Your people are supposed to be there for the big things, the little things and everything in between. They are the ones that changes their plans to show up to your kids birthday party. They’re there for the times you're painfully sad, sometimes without even asking them to be.
2. They don't celebrate in your happiness.
- Your people are meant to support you. They should be excited when good thingshappen to you as if they are happening to themselves; because they love you that genuinely.
3. They don't make light bulbs go off.
- People around you should ignite you and sharpen you. Being around friends that spark your innate magic will expand it and not diminish it. It’s going to go one way or the other.
Social Detox Recipe:
Step 1.Gently remove yourself from the people who don't bring you life. It doesn't have to be some major confrontation. A slow, daily pull back from conversations, texting and meet ups is a smooth transition to remove their presence.
Step 2: Alleviate their social media presence in your world. Facebook, instagram, twitter opens big windows for people you don’t even see to have power over your day.
Step 3: Mourn the friendship. Don’t overdue this step. You can love the relationship you're letting go of without allowing it to suck energy + peace from your day.
Step 4: Move forward and open your heart to the amazing people in this world that WILL bring you magic.
These are a few of the ways I've learned to "detox" socially. I would love to hear your experiences in the comments.